BS

It's a three run game and you take the field
But it's the other team who fails to yield
A lead-off walk is the way you start
This outing is not for the weak of heart
Behind in the count, you can't throw strikes
The fans grow restless, they do not like
You dance around the outside edge
It's almost like you've made a pledge
To allow the opponents their every wish
Runner after runner comes across the dish
Until it's over, you've given up the lead
You couldn't get 3 outs, couldn't do the deed
A wild celebration at home plate
But it's not for you, you struggle late
The loss is yours, you blew the game
The BS in the box score is your claim to fame.

Haiku Monday

P.U.B. Crawl
Anytime you end
at the Mayfair in Haslett
You've had a great crawl.

My Car
Why did I park it
One point five miles away
That was a fun run.

Shirts
The color purple
Is not just a bad movie
It makes a sweet shirt.

To Walk or Not
If it's 3 a.m.
You want to avoid doing
Shiawassee Stroll.

No Admittance
When you can not say
It is all good in the hood
You won't be let in.

No Hills
What will I now watch
to get my fix of Lauren
Repeats don't cut it.

Refund Please

Refund Please

Cabrera and Willis? The rumors were flying.
Detroit in the series? I was certainly buying.
A call to Vegas was immediately made.
Lots of bets, sure to win, I was getting paid.

Spring Training came and I thought, let's bet more.
Sheff, Maggs, Cabrera, Guillen a powerful four.
And with a 1-2 punch to get things going
Surely in October, the champagne would be flowing.

And with the pitching addition of Dontrelle Willis
Other teams would be muttering, Detroit's gonna kill us.
Not even a closer with nary a fastball
Would be enough to keep this team from winning it all.

Opening day came, hooray, it's the Royals.
Wait, did they just get swept by the Royals?
And then it happened again, swept by the Sox
Verlander from Cy Young, to merely hurling rocks.

Historians said oh and six, bye bye series
Injuries? Big heads? Many many theories.
They'll come around, just look at those names
So many bound for the hall, they can still play this game.

With the bad start, I wasn't getting worried
The odds are even better, to the ATM I hurried
More and more cash shipped off to the book
Yes, the tigers to win, don't give me that look.

Just two years ago, they were oh so close.
But the pitcher's fielding was really pretty gross.
And then Grandy hits the ground, just couldn't get a grip.
I was there in person, what a messy trip.

But alas, it's now over... they haven't got a chance
I can no longer watch, I sit in a trance
And wonder, what went wrong, why are they so bad?
It's actually sort of funny, no longer makes me mad.

The middle of May saw another sweep by the Royals,
Not so surprising this time, but still, the Royals?
What's the cure? Another position switch for Miggy?
Maybe this team's stil haunted by the ghost of Bobby Higgy.

So now there's nothing left to do,
But stare at losing bet slips and stew.
I'd like a refund... send me back all my cheese.
I'll be waiting for a check from you Mr. Dombrowski.

Baconators, Mount Up!

Really rough draft of this one... fine-tuning to come.


Baconators, Mount up!

It was a clear black night
a clear white moon
Dougie Fresh was on the streets
trying to consume
a thousand calories
beef and cheese and bacon
just rollin in the benz
looking for wendys

Just hit the westside of Frandor
On a mission trying to find the redheaded sign
Seen the arches and the king, ain't no need to freak
All you bloods know what's up with the munchies.

So I hooks a left off the Four-three to Hayford
Some homeys eating Jimmy Johns, "you want some"?
I jumped out the ride
and said what's up
They handed me a four, so I said I'm stuck.

Had a few drinks, still okay to drive
Not to far to home, avoid hittin' the curb
can't stop thinking about melted cheese and such
I see dougy fresh eatin an imposter meal.

I'm getting full... I'm feeding myself...
I can't believe they taking my hunger
no onion rings, no pepperjack
I looked at the brotha said "damn, just chips?"

They fed my homey up, left extras around
they must not know the burger that's straight pound for pound
They wanna come up real fast... real freaky fast
Baconator out and laid them busters down.

They got subs to my mouth
I can't stop eating
I can't believe this happenin so close to wen'
If i had wings I would fly
let me contemplate
I glanced in the cut and I see a baconate

Bacon by the strip and two beef patties
kimmerly hates it when the burgers get cold
now they drooling and begging
it's a tad bit late
Dougy Fresh and GK had to baconate.

I ate all them burgers down
I let my gut explode
now I'm switching my mind back into sides mode
if you want fries sit back and observe
I just left a medium over there by the curb.

Green Light, Here I Come

Green Light, Here I Come

Relationship vacation is like a string of red lights
Everytime I see Heidi, it just leads to more and more fights.
I flew to Colorado to get this back on track,
Didn't go so well, another Montag attack.

Living with my sister really cramped my style,
Steph keeps hanging with Lauren, whom I totally revile.
I can't even find peace at the local coffee house either
Just take your bobo and leave... give me a breather.

It'd be so much easier if Brody was still my boy.
But in his eyes, I'm just the hoi polloi.
I should have never started the sex tape rumor
I wish these people would get a sense of humor.

So now what's a guy like me left to do?
Heidi went to Vegas, left me feeling blue.
Maybe a roadtrip would be the cure to all my ills.
I have to show Heidi that I haven't lost my skills.

But no one will go with me, I haven't got a friend
I guess I'll take my sis, maybe we can mend.
It's time to end this silly relationship vacation
Without my soul mate, what's to come of this Speidi creation?

It's just a five hour drive, bet I can make it in four,
Stop talking about fashion school, god my sis is such a bore.
Lauren said it once, "she tried to ruin my life."
If this fails, I'll repeat it and add, she'll never be my wife.

We finally hit the strip, getting closer by the second.
She'll be thrilled to see me, that is what I reckon.
No meeting with Bolthouse can keep me from my love,
Damn, what is with this stoplight, hanging from above.

Sitting and waiting, so many thoughts run through my head
We have to get back together, we have to break some bread.
I'm starting to get nervous, I could leave feeling numb.
This is taking forever, yes! Green light, here I come.

So Long

So Long

I stare longingly at the empty space you've left,
It couldn't have been easy, you had great heft.
Many a man plied you with sweet talk and a buck,
They'd roll the wheel, hope to be awestruck.
But you were special. To me.
Why couldn't they let you be?
We had a thing that was better than the rest,
My initials carved in, one of the best.
No sensation was greater than filling the hole.
Two in a row, three in a row, I was on a roll.
Never as good as LTB, but I didn't have to be,
Just to be in your presence was good enough for me.
The new year brought rumors you'd be gone.
Coping wouldn't be easy, maybe the day wouldn't dawn.
But you stuck around, never wanting to leave,
It seems I was granted a reprieve.
Then a text last night, it was over.
Were you headed to that place near Dover ?
It doesn't really matter, since you and I are done.
Oh sure, random future get togethers would be fun.
But let's face it, it wasn't meant to be.
A short time was packed with memories, of you and me.
And even the times when we added a third or a fourth.
Or a fifth. Or drank a fifth. Only to eventually head north.
I'm accepting your fate now...
I know it's for the best somehow.
No longer does the news make me want to shout.
Instead, a little liquor I'll sadly pour out.

RIP Bags. The Pub will never be the same.