The pole, feats of strength
and airing of grievances
Happy Festivus!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
U.P. State of Mind
(Yes, I realize these stopped being funny 2 years ago.)
Yeah Yeah, I'ma up at the Sault, now I'm down in Marquette
Right next to the Gipper, but I hate Notre Dame forever
I'm the new James Tolkan, 'cept with a lot more hair
Can you believe it's $3.50, yeah that's the bridge fair?
I used to walk to Hob Nob, with all of my Yooper cousins
Right there up on 13th, buying cards by the dozens
Now I hit casinos, King's Club or the Island
The only places in the state where you can still puff a smoke.
Standing at the Soo locks, watching water fill it up
Rising so slow, might see yourself a bear cub
Me, I'm up at Ishpe, birthplace of Seaborgium
I bet you didn't know that's where Seaborg's from.
Say what up to Izzo, still playing bingo
Haven't had a governor since the days of Jim Crow
Get yourself a pasty, better than the lake trout
Tell by my accent that I'm most definitely from
The U.P. Pine Mountain Jump ain't nothing to sneeze at
Two hundred feet way up, now you're a yooper
Almost became its' own state, Jacobetti will have to wait
Let's hear it for U.P., U.P., U.P.
Catch me in the woods with some friends for a deer hunt
Never leave the cabin 'cause we're drunk and there's a cold front
Snow piled high, yo, can't even see the mailbox
Only thing that warms you up is a double whiskey on the rocks.
Welcome to the Yooper Dome, it's got 5 acres to roam
Made entirely of wood, home of the Wildcats
Downhill ski, cross country, snowmobiles, and snow shoes
Up here, we're in a constant state of winter wonderland, yo.
200 waterfalls, up here in the U.P.
Don't have time to see them all, even though it is free
Me, I gotta say my fav was Tahquamenon
Way better than Niagara, New York should pass the baton.
Traded for Toledo, take that you Buckeyes
Wouldn't give it back, no not even for Cleveland
Mackinac Island, Pictured Rocks of Munising
I'm from the tippy-top of the Great Lakes state that's
The U.P. Lake Superior ain't nothing to swim in
Never gets above sixty, now you're a yooper
Smoked fish sold at the gas and go, frostbite on all your toes
Let's hear it for U.P., U.P., U.P.
Yeah Yeah, I'ma up at the Sault, now I'm down in Marquette
Right next to the Gipper, but I hate Notre Dame forever
I'm the new James Tolkan, 'cept with a lot more hair
Can you believe it's $3.50, yeah that's the bridge fair?
I used to walk to Hob Nob, with all of my Yooper cousins
Right there up on 13th, buying cards by the dozens
Now I hit casinos, King's Club or the Island
The only places in the state where you can still puff a smoke.
Standing at the Soo locks, watching water fill it up
Rising so slow, might see yourself a bear cub
Me, I'm up at Ishpe, birthplace of Seaborgium
I bet you didn't know that's where Seaborg's from.
Say what up to Izzo, still playing bingo
Haven't had a governor since the days of Jim Crow
Get yourself a pasty, better than the lake trout
Tell by my accent that I'm most definitely from
The U.P. Pine Mountain Jump ain't nothing to sneeze at
Two hundred feet way up, now you're a yooper
Almost became its' own state, Jacobetti will have to wait
Let's hear it for U.P., U.P., U.P.
Catch me in the woods with some friends for a deer hunt
Never leave the cabin 'cause we're drunk and there's a cold front
Snow piled high, yo, can't even see the mailbox
Only thing that warms you up is a double whiskey on the rocks.
Welcome to the Yooper Dome, it's got 5 acres to roam
Made entirely of wood, home of the Wildcats
Downhill ski, cross country, snowmobiles, and snow shoes
Up here, we're in a constant state of winter wonderland, yo.
200 waterfalls, up here in the U.P.
Don't have time to see them all, even though it is free
Me, I gotta say my fav was Tahquamenon
Way better than Niagara, New York should pass the baton.
Traded for Toledo, take that you Buckeyes
Wouldn't give it back, no not even for Cleveland
Mackinac Island, Pictured Rocks of Munising
I'm from the tippy-top of the Great Lakes state that's
The U.P. Lake Superior ain't nothing to swim in
Never gets above sixty, now you're a yooper
Smoked fish sold at the gas and go, frostbite on all your toes
Let's hear it for U.P., U.P., U.P.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
A Hex(or) on my Flexor
I awoke on a Wednesday and something was wrong
Pain in my leg, I hope it doesn't last long
It was a struggle just to roll out of bed
My right peg was acting as if it was dead
Shuffle to the shower and try to jump in
But my day of pain was just set to begin
Unable to lift much more than an inch
Just putting on a sock would cause me to flinch
Getting into the car was also a chore
Having to lift my dead leg inside of the door
Everywhere I walked, I was forced to go slow
As I dragged my injured leg, right down to the toe
So what was the source of my infinite pain?
My hip flexor surely has a humongous strain.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
World Cup
A decent 2010 for the red, white and blue
Excitement at levels to the signing of Adu.
A bid for the Cup in 12 years made sense.
FIFA would do right, they couldn't be that dense.
So Clinton and Freeman arrived with a plan
To win they'd have to best Australia, Qatar and Japan.
Japan hosted just 8 years ago, it's been twice that for the US
The Aussies have come on, but they weren't a success.
It wasn't a lock, but it seemed the right choice
When they made the announcement, a country would rejoice
But Blatter pulled a fast one, his decision quite bizarre
The 2022 World Cup is headed to Qatar.
Excitement at levels to the signing of Adu.
A bid for the Cup in 12 years made sense.
FIFA would do right, they couldn't be that dense.
So Clinton and Freeman arrived with a plan
To win they'd have to best Australia, Qatar and Japan.
Japan hosted just 8 years ago, it's been twice that for the US
The Aussies have come on, but they weren't a success.
It wasn't a lock, but it seemed the right choice
When they made the announcement, a country would rejoice
But Blatter pulled a fast one, his decision quite bizarre
The 2022 World Cup is headed to Qatar.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Like a (Pontiac) G6
Sliding all over the ice, in a blizzard
To get in the backseat, be a wizard
Anytime you need repairs, ain't no quick fix
Can't believe I bought this car, Pontiac G6
Like a G6, like a G6
Gonna be pushing it home, like a G6
Like a G6, like a G6
Gonna be pushing it home, like a G6
Gimme the car-car keys
Gimme the map-map home
Mid-size piece of crap, car can barely do a lap
Got a full tank, we got to get on our way
Forget this place, getting clowned by the valet.
On the floor, yeah, we flooring it
Pull up to a light, no one wants to look at my car
Rev the engine, but no one wants to race my car
Chuckles and sneers, everyone pointing at my car
Sliding all over the ice, in a blizzard
To get in the backseat, be a wizard
Anytime you need repairs, ain't no quick fix
Can't believe I bought this car, Pontiac G6
Like a G6, like a G6
Gonna be pushing it home, like a G6
Like a G6, like a G6
Gonna be pushing it home, like a G6
Replaced the Grand Am, goes out like a lamb
Got a GT model, Well it had a GT model
Car's so lame, given away by Oprah Winfrey
Nine out of ten owners, sport a cheesy goatee.
On the floor, yeah, we flooring it
Pull up to a light, no one wants to look at my car
Rev the engine, but no one wants to race my car
Chuckles and sneers, everyone pointing at my car
Sliding all over the ice, in a blizzard
To get in the backseat, be a wizard
Anytime you need repairs, ain't no quick fix
Can't believe I bought this car, Pontiac G6
Like a G6, like a G6
Gonna be pushing it home, like a G6
Like a G6, like a G6
Gonna be pushing it home, like a G6
Turn signal does not work, all stops are more of a jerk
All stops are more of a jerk, all stops are more of a jerk
Turn signal does not work, all stops are more of a jerk
All stops are more of a jerk, all stops are more of a jerk
Turn signal does not work, all stops are more of a jerk
All stops are more of a jerk, all stops are more of a jerk
Sliding all over the ice, in a blizzard
To get in the backseat, be a wizard
Anytime you need repairs, ain't no quick fix
Can't believe I bought this car, Pontiac G6
Like a G6, like a G6
Gonna be pushing it home, like a G6
Like a G6, like a G6
Gonna be pushing it home, like a G6
To get in the backseat, be a wizard
Anytime you need repairs, ain't no quick fix
Can't believe I bought this car, Pontiac G6
Like a G6, like a G6
Gonna be pushing it home, like a G6
Like a G6, like a G6
Gonna be pushing it home, like a G6
Gimme the car-car keys
Gimme the map-map home
Mid-size piece of crap, car can barely do a lap
Got a full tank, we got to get on our way
Forget this place, getting clowned by the valet.
On the floor, yeah, we flooring it
Pull up to a light, no one wants to look at my car
Rev the engine, but no one wants to race my car
Chuckles and sneers, everyone pointing at my car
Sliding all over the ice, in a blizzard
To get in the backseat, be a wizard
Anytime you need repairs, ain't no quick fix
Can't believe I bought this car, Pontiac G6
Like a G6, like a G6
Gonna be pushing it home, like a G6
Like a G6, like a G6
Gonna be pushing it home, like a G6
Replaced the Grand Am, goes out like a lamb
Got a GT model, Well it had a GT model
Car's so lame, given away by Oprah Winfrey
Nine out of ten owners, sport a cheesy goatee.
On the floor, yeah, we flooring it
Pull up to a light, no one wants to look at my car
Rev the engine, but no one wants to race my car
Chuckles and sneers, everyone pointing at my car
Sliding all over the ice, in a blizzard
To get in the backseat, be a wizard
Anytime you need repairs, ain't no quick fix
Can't believe I bought this car, Pontiac G6
Like a G6, like a G6
Gonna be pushing it home, like a G6
Like a G6, like a G6
Gonna be pushing it home, like a G6
Turn signal does not work, all stops are more of a jerk
All stops are more of a jerk, all stops are more of a jerk
Turn signal does not work, all stops are more of a jerk
All stops are more of a jerk, all stops are more of a jerk
Turn signal does not work, all stops are more of a jerk
All stops are more of a jerk, all stops are more of a jerk
Sliding all over the ice, in a blizzard
To get in the backseat, be a wizard
Anytime you need repairs, ain't no quick fix
Can't believe I bought this car, Pontiac G6
Like a G6, like a G6
Gonna be pushing it home, like a G6
Like a G6, like a G6
Gonna be pushing it home, like a G6
Friday, November 19, 2010
Chick Fil-A
Sure, they are good warm
But a couple cold chicken
sandwiches rock, too.
Bun, chicken, pickle
Three simple things needed to
make the best lunch. Yum.
I would do almost
anything to have a Chick
Fil-A in Lansing.
But a couple cold chicken
sandwiches rock, too.
Bun, chicken, pickle
Three simple things needed to
make the best lunch. Yum.
I would do almost
anything to have a Chick
Fil-A in Lansing.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Access Denied
Headed to Canada for a quick work trip
Truck fully loaded with a bunch of equip
Windsor or Sarnia, which would be quickest?
Windsor ruled out, their traffic the thickest.
As we drove, the fog finally lifted
Along 69, the truck never drifted.
Stopping for candy and a diet coke
Making good time, this trip is no joke.
Pull up to the border and things go awry
Questions and questions, where are we going and why?
This isn't going well, I have a bad feeling
Off to immigration to do our appealing.
Parked with our yellow note we head for the door
Up to the counter, let us in I implore.
Out come the laws, and books of regs
We've been here before, what's all this we beg?
But our pleas are met with a stern shake of the head
Leave at once or or else you'll be banned til you're dead.
Turned back around, we're headed stateside
Our work trip to Canada, access denied.
Truck fully loaded with a bunch of equip
Windsor or Sarnia, which would be quickest?
Windsor ruled out, their traffic the thickest.
As we drove, the fog finally lifted
Along 69, the truck never drifted.
Stopping for candy and a diet coke
Making good time, this trip is no joke.
Pull up to the border and things go awry
Questions and questions, where are we going and why?
This isn't going well, I have a bad feeling
Off to immigration to do our appealing.
Parked with our yellow note we head for the door
Up to the counter, let us in I implore.
Out come the laws, and books of regs
We've been here before, what's all this we beg?
But our pleas are met with a stern shake of the head
Leave at once or or else you'll be banned til you're dead.
Turned back around, we're headed stateside
Our work trip to Canada, access denied.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Haiku Friday?
Job interview nerves
Have me feeling like I should
Have a gin tonic.
Picking a tie is
not as easy as I thought.
Damn color blindness.
-------------------------
I feel like this is something I would have done had I went to Wisconsin. And been in a more creative mood than I've been. It's like "Baconators" only way better. And in video form:
Teach Me How to Bucky
Have me feeling like I should
Have a gin tonic.
Picking a tie is
not as easy as I thought.
Damn color blindness.
-------------------------
I feel like this is something I would have done had I went to Wisconsin. And been in a more creative mood than I've been. It's like "Baconators" only way better. And in video form:
Teach Me How to Bucky
Saturday, February 13, 2010
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