Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Lonesome Lunch




I brought my lunch today
No fast food, bar or buffet.
A turkey sandwich and a coke
This will help me from going broke.

But as the noon hour got closer
I was starting to doubt my grocer.
My co-workers were heading out
Where should we go? I heard them shout.

They picked deli's and chain's
And one with meals from the Ukraine.
But it wasn't so much about the food
Leaving for a break helped lighten the mood.

They'd come back refreshed, ready for the next chore
While I picked up crumbs from my office floor.
As I wiped off my desk, I had a hunch
I would never again have a lonesome lunch.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Hot Dogs


There's nothing I won't do for a hot dog
A magical, sausage log.
Whether filled with cheese, or the normal meat mix
It's the one food I will constantly pick.
At home, on the road, or at the ballpark
The only dog in the world with no bark.
Cooked on a stove or the grill
Eating one's always a thrill
Especially out of the hot diggity dogger.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

DUI Stop


You know it won't work, yet you pop a penny in
But how is that going to mask all that gin?
You try to concentrate and make eye contact
But you can't help but stare at the lady cop's rack.
She asks you to step out and you take a deep breath
If you were choosing between jail, you'd surely take death.
Out comes a pen, to test your eyes' gaze
Two shots before leaving, have you in a haze.
And then comes the walk and turn, maybe this'll be easy
Heel to toe, heel to toe, you're starting to feel queasy.
Next you're asked to stand on leg one
And for the first time you notice, this cop has a gun.
Touch your finger to your nose, do it with your eyes closed
When's she going to figure out, you're completely hosed?
Counting backwards and letters in reverse are to follow
You are almost through it, you take big swallow.
Last but not least, is the vaunted PBT
You blow point oh seven, the cop sets you free.
Not a moment too soon, you phone starts to chime
And you make it to the next bar before closing time.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Dockers: Sick Day

The plan was hatched on a Thursday night
Let's all call in sick, do something tight.
All eagerly agreed and a meeting was set
Back here tomorrow, a promise not a threat.

The next day came and three arrived early
One came late, showed up feeling surly.
My boss is on to me, I think, he said
If he catches me out, there's no doubt I'll be dead.

Lunch at the bar was ruled out, he's always there
Sitting by himself, alone in a chair.
There's no way we could sneak in, all unnoticed
The four of us there? We'd stick out like a lotus.

What to do then? I don't want to waste a sick day
Let's do something cool, something with cache.
We could golf at the club, give that course a twirl
Can't, one said, last week I housed the beer girl.

So no lunch and no golf, options were running low
But only an hour away, there's a casino.
It's got liquor and gambling, a nice substitute
As a bonus, a chance to come home with some loot.

So it was settled, and the last beers were downed
Everyone was excited, they had optimism abound.
But the car wouldn't start, so once again they were stuck
On this particular sick day, the four had no luck.

Back inside, another beer was cracked
Conversations about which girl was more stacked.
But it was apparent they were thinking, this sick day blows
At least they were wearing some nice new chinos.

Friday, June 13, 2008

El Nino


You consist of two types of weekends
9 years is a career, not a trend.

The first is not as spectacular
But pulling a Sergio is now in my vernacular
An opening round approaching eight-oh
Another tournament you are sure to blow
Until a Friday score near the top
You make the cut, two more op's
To improve your score with little fanfare
Morning scores give the leaders a little scare
But you eventually finish mid-pack
A nice paycheck, you are no hack.

The second is much like the first, but in reverse
You start like a flash, in search of a prize purse
That will etch name among the greats
But winning a major is not your fate.
A third round lead is easily had
But bogey-free golf, for you, is a fad
Announcers switch from "Oh Sergio!!"
To "what's that a 7-iron? Oh no!!"
A slumped head atop your adidas gear
You just can't master the little white sphere.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Haiku Monday

Triple Crown
Not since Affirmed
Big Brown's hoof is a big deal
Bet on Casino

Superhorse
Blazing to a lead
He's moving like a machine
Secretariat

Pick 3
The same every year
It's always two firsts and a
second, oh so close

Infield
Singing Fraggle Rock
Chanting tase him to a cop
God Bless mint juleps

Tootsies
The Derby is over
They ran it yesterday
Let's go to Tootsies

JC
Walking to Derby
His hat announced who he was
The Joint Commander